Saturday, 13 April 2019

FINDING A SENSE OF BELONGING...


I’m not very good at making friends and am terribly self conscious and awkward. Social situations in general make me nervous but something most curious has happened since I arrived at the circus. 


I started working there at probably one of my most difficult times when I was feeling really low, with no confidence and was facing a lot of challenges in life. Circus people treat you for who you are, there is no pretence, no delusions of grandeur, you are simply accepted and everyone is the same. 


I was in awe of this new family who were unlike anything I had experienced before and they all swept me up, accepted who I was - warts and all and provided me with a place where I could be me, without being judged, and flourish by doing what I do best. 


The older (& wiser!) I get the more I believe everything happens for a reason and I think that it’s no coincidence that I came to the circus when I did. I absolutely adore working there and being a small cog in a truly huge wheel, it doesn’t feel like work, in fact some of our most stressful times bring us closer together as we laugh through our woes. Anyway I digress, what I wanted to say is that after 18 months working these I found myself in a period of reflection at the company party the other night and I realised that I didn’t feel like the awkward new girl anymore, I felt at home, I had a sense of belonging and was surrounded by the most amazing, wonderful and ever-so slightly bonkers people in the world and I felt truly blessed. For the first time I don't feel that I have to pretend to be something I'm not. 


Some people who know how much I adore the circus warned me about working at Giffords Circus would loose its magic but actually there is more magic behind the scenes than you see in the ring. The circus is a mini metaphor of life, people come and go, some stay a season, some remain in your life longer, but you make the most of all the little moments and opportunities as you don’t know when they might happen again. This is so true of life - who knows what's around the next corner and I believe there’s always something no matter how big or small waiting to challenge you especially when you least expect it! 


When I originally posted this on Instagram someone said in the comments that when you feel very self conscious some people push you further into a corner, whilst others bring you out and that choosing to spend time the right people is what it's all about. That and being open to change I believe is the key. 


Who knows what the future holds? I might only be at the circus for a short time or I might be there for years ahead, but I know one thing, I'm not going to stop being grateful for my circus family and enjoying every single minute. 

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