Yesterday was father's day... which for me is rather irrelevant as I do not have one! Yes, {bear with me} this post is going to be a little stranger than normal as I usually spare you the peculiarities of my childhood for fear you may think me odd!
You see my father left just after I was born, it turns out that he didn't really want to be married or have children after all, so ran away! So I never knew him, I have never had a dad or really felt I missed out. It was hard for my mum, but that's more of a sad story and I don't like posting those here. My mum was strong, she didn't talk about him ever, so I didn't either and never really asked about him. I have a few old photos of them in the 70's but they could be of anyone quite frankly. Anyway, I digress... my mum loved music, we had an old radio that she would listen to all of the sounds of her youth, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones were huge favourites, I can remember her singing and dancing round the kitchen, so I used to think that maybe my dad was Mick Jagger {who has plenty of children so one more love child wouldn't hurt!} and one day he would come back and save us from the poverty he had left us in {I am exaggerating about poverty ~ but we were very poor and if my dad were ever to find me and read this I would like to cause some guilt}.
The fantasy dad theme must of continued for a while as when I was quite little and at school, my mum got called in to see the teacher who said "how sorry" she was that my dad had died in the war! Apparently, I had got so fed up of children asking where my dad was, the Falklands war was on and it made sense that he would have died there. I have no recollection of this at all and am thankful that I didn't end up being sent away!
When I look at my husband, he makes being a dad look easy, he is great with his boys and they adore him. He will never let them or me down, he is our rock and we love him. But watching him makes it harder for me to understand why my own father ran away, I guess this is something that I will never understand.
3 comments:
Emma thank you for sharing this. Something like your dad leaving really defies logic, although you might be better off not having grown up around him. I'm giving you a virtual squeeze, and am so glad you have a husband (and your kids have a dad) that is a stand up kind of guy.
Generous of you to share something so personal. Glad that your children have such a lovely Dad (and Mum too for the record!) but as you say, as a parent, it's very hard to understand anyone behaving as your Dad did, as Angel said, seems like you were better off without him, although I'm sure that's scant consolation.
thank you for sharing your story, emma. it makes me realise we must be very grateful for the people we do have. happy father's day to your lovely man! (even though it's belated.) :)
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