Thursday, 18 June 2009

i got scared...

A funny thing happened to me on holiday... I got scared, I saw danger everywhere, harbour walls, cliff tops, canoes, lakes and the sea. Now I am usually quite laid back, the boys are given their boundaries and within reason are left to explore within those set boundaries e.g. "stay between...", "hold my hand here...." My new found fear coupled with my eldest child's new found strong will and rebelliousness {which rubs off on his little brother!} made me 'bark' at him at times! I hear my voice, my tone and it disappoints me, I need to find my inner strength, calmness and patience to be a better parent and gain the confidence I need to let go again and trust these growing boys as they need to push their boundaries further and start their journey away from my apron strings into the little independent men that they crave to become. 

5 comments:

  1. My two are a smidge older than your two, I have found that they need to push the boundaries a little and then you find a comfortable place within those boundaries, that seems to be how it works for us.
    I am not sure I will be saying this when they are teenagers!

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  2. Ooooh! i'd say stay scared! I'm a scaredycat...since having the kids i have developed a terrifying fear of heights where they are concerned...and find myself looking away a lot! we live with daily walks along harbour walls and rock climbs, weekend jumps into moving(!) fishing boats and body boarding every day. EVERY day. Their Daddy is the one to let them stretch their boundaries...i'm the one who does the barking...but they are allowed to fall on rocks(not off them!) and scrape knees/cut hands/get crabbed. They get the odd lungfull of sea water and the heart racing that comes with clambering in to a boat without holding anyone's hand...but where we are...we see the lifeboat and coastguard rescuing from cliffs at the end of our street almost...and from the beach that they treat as their own backyard and so MY boundaries for them are backed up by the heavyweights in uniform with bright orange boat and 'copters. Thankfully!
    I don't think my barking means i have lost inner peace or that i'm failing my 3. They have different freedoms with me...sewing with proper needles/gardening with metal tools/using china tea sets for play kitchen(!) and in the mix from myself and DH i'm hoping they will get the balance they need.

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  3. I have recently found your blog and have been enjoying reading some of your archives ( in a non stalker way!). I think it is hard to find a balance between our natural instinct to keep them safe and their growing curiosity with the world. I bark too, more often then I mean to.
    The adventures you have with your children show you are letting them blossom and grow, within the boundaries that it a parent's responsibility to set.

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  4. gotta agree with French Knots - we have to set the boundaries and if that occasionally means 'barking' at them - so be it. It's all a balancing act and a difficult one at that sometimes - to watch them grow (and to let them grow) can seem hard, certainlty to me anyway - knowing they won't always be at your side. But when they are eventually away, out in the world it is the combination of freedom, limitations, love and occasional shouting that helps them make their way.

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  5. I agree too - I do far more barking (aka shouting in this house) than I would like, but it's hard sometimes to know where to draw the line. Am going to try to go with your philosphy though, especially with the long hols coming up and see if we can have a relatively calm and peaceful time.

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